Growing Love

Profile of a Heroine a her own Right

She wakes up just as early as the rest of us to attend lectures. She can always be seen at the library, reading up for the latest assignment and she is always found studying until the wee hours of the morning for an upcoming test. On entering this young woman’s room, one is greeted by a note written under her exam timetable reading: “Junior needs YOU to do well, so kill it ma”. Reacting to my response to it that it is sweet, she says, “it’s not supposed to be sweet, it’s supposed to motivate me to study” Sounds like the typical hardworking student, but Ntombi Mlangeni has had it tougher than most. She not only had to deal with moving so far away from home but, only four months into her first year in university she was forced to decide whether or not she would keep a child or not. “At the time it felt like I had many options. I could have just decided to terminate the pregnancy”, she says with her typical ‘couldn’t-care-less’ attitude. Today she walks around proudly with the new love of her life safely growing inside of her. “I thought I was going to die. The first few weeks were hell.” She tells of how she had to deal with the anger and confusion of having fallen pregnant in university.

Her whole lifestyle literally had to be changed. A very successful basketball career of six years had to be put aside for fear of harming the baby. “I had to quit smoking”, she says with so much pride. She laughs as I tell her that I didn’t even notice that she had quit smoking despite the fact that she could always be found clouded in smoke when not in lectures. Along with the cigarettes and basketball her one love had to take a backseat after her arrival in Grahamstown. Ntombi is a DJ and she says that on her arrival in Grahamstown she was disappointed because she couldn’t play as much as she used to in her home-town in Sebokeng. “I used to be booked for gigs every week.” she says with an air of pride, “but partly because of my condition and that there are less connections this side I have only had one gig this year.”

Her advice to those who are about to enter into university is that they should be careful when it comes to giving ‘it’ up too easily. “Personally I don’t think it’s worth it”, she says when commenting on having sex with a man before, one knows whether they are certain or not. In her blog post on her group blog, she writes “I thought I should let you know that you might not necessarily find your soul mate at varsity instead you might just end up with no soul. You will find the perfect guy, good looking, talented, understanding, loving, no wait that’s what he’ll make you believe.” She has decided to end the relationship with the father of her child. “I’d rather be alone than unhappy”, she says quoting the lyrics from a popular song. A decision she doesn’t take lightly considering that her child will need to know who his or her father is. She has decided that the father of her child will be a part of her child’s life despite the fact that they are not together anymore.

Ntombi is a heroine in her own right. In the very judgemental world, where just the stares that are given pregnant youth are enough to persecute them unjustly, she still walks with pride. As she says, “taking it a day at a time”. In a world filled with so much choice, where she could have chosen to abort the baby, quit school and go back home to give birth to her baby she chose to go through with the pregnancy, despite the challenges. When asked whether she would consider giving the baby up for adoption she replies almost immediately with a “No, this is my baby.” This goes to show that although Ntombi did not plan the situation she’s in but has learnt to carry it with much graceful strength .

"MISS INDEPENDENT"

In the Life of Kgothatso Monare

“Motivated, enthusiastic, hard working and a little miss independent” described by her friend Dianne, Kgothatso Monare known as K.G to her friends, is a nineteen year old who was raised in Pretoria by her single mother and her grandmother along side her extended family, and many friends, it was through the experiences she had then that she became the person she is now. “It takes a while for me to get along with people but once I get the swing of things and I have settled in, it is when the real me comes out.” Currently studying a Bcom Accounting, at Rhodes University, she has worked hard to get to where she is right now and one cant help but wonder how she made it thus far.

One of the most interesting and unique thing about her, is the combination of friends that she has. K.G has a story for most of her friends and how she came about becoming friends with them. In Pretoria, She introduces some of her closest friend. Lizo, a guy that she has known all of her life; Anna, known as Analyse, became friends in high school because they both like the same idol; “then there is Tshego”, she giggles and tries to explain what special quality she has, “my semi-blind friend that I had to walk because she couldn’t see when it rains because her glasses become fogy”; Thato known as tattoo, a very good friend that she met at metric higher grad class. “I have many other friends at home but these are the ones that I can really call friends” she goes on to say, “At Rhodes I have come across very interesting people and have made good friends with them. Dianne, Ashleigh, Shibu, Gugu, Nthabi, Kay, and the guys, these are my friends at Rhodes and I spend most of my time with them”, she explains.
“I know I can rely on my friends for entertainment and when I need a good laugh I know exactly where to go or who to call.” Although she has many friends, she doesn’t necessarily rely on any of them. “ I am very secretive and keep my business to myself most of the time, but since ‘no man is an island’, I do rely on my mother emotionally” she expresses while looking to the ground as a sign of salutation and showing respect, “I can talk to my mother about anything and she is also a friend so I can also talk to her on a friendship level, although at times she plays her motherly role, asking me about my grades even though I don’t want her to.” As her face starts to light up and glow, she looks up, with a big smile on her face she exclaims, “I love my mom”.

And unlike most children, K.G grew up without a father and suggests, “probably through the absence of my father, I realised that it does influence the way I view males and I also know that most guys see me as the ‘ice-queen’ but I don’t think my relationship with men is awful because my uncle was there for me” she tried making sense of what she was saying, staring at the ceiling while knocking the teddy on the bed. There is no doubt that she has gone through some hardships in her life but she refuses to let them stand in her way of achieving her goals.

Tertiary life comes with a lot of responsibility as well as pressure from peers but even though there are many influences that students come across during her first year at Rhodes, she has managed to stay herself throughout and is most likely to pass her first year with 1st grade passes. “I wanted to become a Charted Accountant since grade five after taking several aptitude tests that indicated that I was numerically inclined and since then I’ve been working hard to get to where I am right now.” She wants to be very rich and this is how her “miss independent” attitude was derived. Kgothatso serves as an inspiration to most of her friends and she will be the “miss independent” that Ne-yo sings about.

Her rollercoaster ride

“This year has been like a rollercoaster ride that I just can’t get the fuck off.”

In February Natalie Pace arrived at Rhodes, eagerly anticipating the year ahead. Within the first term she had settled into a way of life involving a healthy social life, close friends, and a stable academic career. However, the balance she created would subsequently be disrupted by events which ensued. Flipping her fire red hair which is indicative of her feisty personality, Natalie settles down and relates the story of her first year at Rhodes.

Although Natalie settled easily into Rhodes in the first semester, towards the end of the second term her life started to disintegrate. The thought “I don’t know why I’m here” plagued her constantly. Natalie’s biggest problem this year – being away from her mom – was compounded when her mom moved overseas shortly before the June exams. This is when her depression set in, leading to destructive habits like cutting herself and chain smoking. Natalie is very forthcoming about her relationship with her sister, as well as her own difficulties. “Things really got bad when Steph [her sister] and I started fighting. That was the low point of last term.” Eventually her trying personal circumstances affected Natalie academically; she failed all her June exams.

Despite her best intentions, term three brought its share of hardships for Natalie. After the June exams, “finding out that I’d failed, and trying to convince my dad to let me come back to Rhodes”, she was faced with the task of “coming back and sorting it all out”. After consultations with the Dean of Humanities, Natalie was allowed to continue her degree. Natalie’s most recent ordeal involved her love life. “My long, love of my life boyfriend (of four months) broke up with me in the classic ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ shitty version. I didn’t expect it to last forever but I hoped it would last longer than four months.”

With exams four weeks away, Natalie is finally starting to straighten out her life. Her plan of action includes “a to do list, fun times in the afternoon – no constant napping, and keeping up to date with assignments”. She expects these exams to be better than the last. ‘I’m already planning a timetable, I will be writing seven or eight exams” she asserts confidently. “I have to pass everything else my dad will pull the plug” she adds. Natalie believes that the facilities available at Rhodes have helped her to overcome her trials. “The counseling centre has really helped, and so has my house warden”, Natalie admits, “and I count my friends as facilities of Rhodes!” Despite her diligent attitude, Natalie still makes time for fun. “I still need to find an outfit, but it will be nice to get dressed up”, she remarks of her hall ball on Saturday.

On Natalie’s wall hangs a yellow piece of paper emblazoned with the words: “What you feel is what you are and what you are is beautiful”. These lyrics from the song Slide are one of her favourite sayings. “They make me think about things”, Natalie says with regards to the words, “It makes me feel better about myself”. These words couldn’t be more appropriate. Behind the family drama, the rough first year, and even the fire red hair, that’s what Natalie Pace is: beautiful.

Keeping his Eyes On the Ball....

As he puts his pen down once more to add a sentence or two more to his assignment, he looked up with a face full of delight. It was written on Misheck Meki face that his work is his pride and he finds no trouble getting down to business. Coming to Rhodes proved to be a very good choice as it has given him a platform to have a stronger academic foundation.

Misheck went to spent most of his life as a city boy in Harare, Zimbabwe. he went to school at Alan Wilson school for his O’Levels and Prince Edward school for his A’ Levels. Most Zimbabweans who know the geographical location of these schools would say Misheck sold out his former school for a rival school. The schools are separated by a fence that gives evidence of just how different the schools are financially. The boys from either sides have a history of fighting over the fence and on the streets outside. To Misheck, however, it did not mean much because he was not a part of the rivalry even though to the rest of the boys it meant family against family like the hutu and tusti.

Misheck was raised by composed hands that taught him to look beyond himself. Before coming to Rhodes University Misheck dedicated a year to a relief programme at the edge of Zimbabwe. It is not everyday a young city boy gives up his time for the well being of another. The smile in his voice confirms his statement when he looked into my eyes and exclaimed ‘I love my job.’

Studying a Social Sciences degree, to Misheck education is the foundation to his career. Misheck puts in extra amount of time, sleeping a maximum of six hours daily as a dedicated student. To Misheck time is wasted when it is spent dreaming. When studying Misheck hides from the rest of the world. He goes into his own world because to him his education is his responsibility. However when it comes to the party seen Misheck will let loose and becomes the heart of the party.

Misheck has a vibrant social life that keeps him on his toes. His hang out place being in his friends residences up the hill at Rhodes University. To Misheck spending time with his friends is like spending time with the brothers he never had. The crazy Friday nights that are memorized in photo’s and the lazy Saturday mornings that are full of ‘last nights talk’ are what Misheck holds as the fun memories. What Misheck holds closer is the way him and his friends are like a family. How they talk about everything, how they have one others backs, and how they are always honest to one another. Misheck found himself in the middle of the best place to grow as an academic and as a person.

As a member of the His People church, Misheck is proud to say he is a Christian. His faith flows into sectors in his life that make him a stronger person. On Sunday mornings Misheck and his friends attend church, defying the spirit of denying where they come from. Misheck comes from a firm Christian home and still he carries the teaching of his parents. Misheck chooses a quiet life that is composed. He chooses a life that keeps his mind on his purpose. To Misheck his purpose is living a fulfilled life. To Misheck it is no use coming to Rhodes only to waste time on relationships that are shallow and quick to end. He puts his pen down, gets up and walks to his window. He expresses how he loves going to the monument at night, just to look at the lights and thing with his friends.

Dedication to God and taking up every given opportunity are the two ways Misheck defines himself as a man. Misheck is most likely to pass because in his heart he’s already got his degree, ‘it’s just a matter of collecting it.’ Rhodes is like an athletics field, every student is on it to achieve success. Misheck was a winner before he got on the field, is a winner on the field, and will be a great winner when he gets off the field.

Vicky - The Legend

I am supposed to meet my friend and neighbor Victoria Johnson (Vicky) at the Kaif one warm afternoon, and I hear her deep and throaty laugh long before I even turn the corner. When I arrive, I see her immediately, surrounded by a large group of people, her arms waving wildly and her lively laugh penetrating every member of the conversation. Her unique style, consisting of bright clothes and sunshine-yellow shoes, highlights her personality and allows her to stand out from the crowd. However, she still manages to fit perfectly into the Rhodes’ scene.

Strangely, it was never Vicky’s dream, nor desire, to come to Rhodes. Despite having family members previously attending Rhodes, it was not what Vicky wanted.

“I was going to take a gap year after matric,” she said. “I thought I would get a job, maybe rent a flat… you know, just arb around and live life.” The many brass bracelets cluttering her arm clank as she moves a strand of hair out of her face, and she smiles widely. “I wasn’t keen on the idea of university, not at that stage of my life anyway. My June matric marks weren’t that great, and I only applied to university because I needed an acceptance letter to get my visa, so I could travel to England.”

Vicky pauses to turn around and greet a group of newcomers to the Kaif, and sips a Crème Soda before continuing. “I applied to Rhodes because I thought it would be the only university that would accept me with the marks that I had. I was stoked when I got accepted and could get my travel visa.”

As it happens, Vicky’s travel partner turned out to be “pretty awful”, and she decided that she couldn’t travel with her, and so she cancelled the trip. With nothing else to make of her much-awaited gap year, Vicky decided to fall back on her only university option.

The Cape Town girl then packed her bags and downsized from her big-city lifestyle to the place of purple, where she enrolled as a Bachelor of Science student. She has never looked back.

This bubbly student has befriended as many people as she possibly could, all of them from different circles, and she is always ready to meet new people. Her friends describe her as “crazy”, “outgoing” and “an amazing friend”. One of her residence mates laughed when asked to describe Vicky, and declared that she is “spunky, always happy, full of energy and always keen to party”.

Vicky is passionate about her degree and her subjects, and while sitting at the Kaif, we study a bee hovering above her Crème Soda can. She gives a detailed analysis of this bee and its functions, in between arguing with a fellow BSc student about the definition of “diploblastic”. She plans to major in Zoology and Botany, and her love for both fields is evident in everything she does.

Her zest for life, love of people and enthusiasm for peace has helped this dynamo survive her first year at the university she was not planning on attending.

“First year at Rhodes has been the best year of my life and I wouldn’t change it for anything. I can’t wait to finish my degree here.”

One of those days

Some days half the town gets up just to tick you off.

Or at least that's what it feels like. Everybody seems to be walking on your side of the street, your tutor picks on you in the one tut this week you didn’t have time to prepare for, and you might be brave enough to taste the dining hall food, once you figure out what it is. Add to that not enough sleep and a sudden bout of homesickness and homicide seems like a great idea.

At times like these I am quite tempted to indulge myself in fantasies reminiscent of a Tess Gerritsen novel, an idea which would not go down too well if acted upon. Alternatively, it’s fun to practice a good “death stare” on select people. When all else fails, defenestration is a delightful pastime, anyone who has thrown anything out of a second story window will know that as long as it goes splat it’s highly fulfilling.

I guess it’s hard to admit that even after three terms here, at times you aren’t as well adjusted as you thought. Especially with approaching exams, tension is building steadily. Even homesickness creeps up unexpectedly. The important thing is to shrug it off, carry on, and soon the cloudy times will have passed.

Today the sun is shining.

My Break-up with the Weatherman

From the tender age of five, the young godmother has had a love affair with weathermen. All of them from old Mr Graeme Hart to the late Jabu Sithole. There is something strangely attractive about them. Everything from their nerdy trousers, their messy hair to their nervous nature would keep me glued in front of the television screen after every news bulletin broadcast. Another extremely attractive characteristic that drew me to them is their honesty. Besides a few minor mistakes (which is totally human), the weather-man is always right- until you get to Grahamstown.
I write this blog today with a broken heart because my love affair with the weatherman is officially over. I got to Grahamstown and he became a liar. Predictions of 25 degrees could in the blink of an eye be changed to that of 12 degrees. Clear skies meant showers. A prediction of no wind meant a gale wind so strong it could be mistaken for a tornado. After eight months of serious deliberation I have to put an end to this relationship that is now filled with lies.

If you are reading this from anywhere else in South Africa and you also have a relationship with the weatherman: STAY AWAY FROM GRAHAMSTOWN. Unless you are thrilled by the excitement of knowing you can experience all four seasons in one day do yourself a favour and remain where you are. Grahamstown has got the most unpredictable weather that I have ever experienced. Honest weathermen become liars in the face of Grahamstown weather.

A moment of Magic

It's very easy to lose oneself in the moment when in varsity. One tends to be living from minute to minute, without realising how they do it. At the time it may seem like you have it all under control, but it's when your body starts developing pains in places you didn't know you had, and you find yourself yawning more than 45 times in the average 45 minute lecture that you know that you need to slow down.

I found myself living this kind of life last week as I was surviving on 3 hours of sleep, thanks to the unnecessary workload Rhodes feels they need to honour us with, and when I finally gave myself a break from running from one place to the next I saw this beautiful sunset. I fear I will fail to describe it well enough to give it any justice, so here it is. My moment of magic. A reminder that even when it seems like all is crashing down on you, the rest of the world is still alright and essentially so are you.

When your head is in a pool of worry and frenzy, take a minute or two, to look out for your moment of Magic. God has them scattered all over for you to enjoy.

Have yourselves a magical week.

Monday Morning.

Why cruel CompSci, why? Why must you drag me out of my warm and delicious bed to the bane of my existence that is the Monday dawnie?

In a student timetable, there are two things which are to be avoided if at all possible. the first of these is Mondays. The second is dawnies - first period lectures that have you up with the sun. Cross these and you get something between a suicide attempt and cruel and unusual forms of punishment.

Sounds bad already right? Add to this that I am one of those masochistic BA students who insists on doing a Science subject - Computer Science. Now you know roughly my frame of mind when presented with a mathematical algorithm and being told: "Work this out. Now". Just to make sure you aren't slacking (like 50% of the class who didn't show up), the ex-Dean of Science is going to prowl around with a menacing look of contempt for all you lowly first years.

Moral of the story: Don't attend Monday dawnies. You can always catch up the work later, wost comes to worst and you miss a lecture a week.

Now please excuse me, I have some sleeping to catch up on. Mmmmm.

Family Members

Dj Decoy

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