Growing Love

Profile of a Heroine a her own Right

She wakes up just as early as the rest of us to attend lectures. She can always be seen at the library, reading up for the latest assignment and she is always found studying until the wee hours of the morning for an upcoming test. On entering this young woman’s room, one is greeted by a note written under her exam timetable reading: “Junior needs YOU to do well, so kill it ma”. Reacting to my response to it that it is sweet, she says, “it’s not supposed to be sweet, it’s supposed to motivate me to study” Sounds like the typical hardworking student, but Ntombi Mlangeni has had it tougher than most. She not only had to deal with moving so far away from home but, only four months into her first year in university she was forced to decide whether or not she would keep a child or not. “At the time it felt like I had many options. I could have just decided to terminate the pregnancy”, she says with her typical ‘couldn’t-care-less’ attitude. Today she walks around proudly with the new love of her life safely growing inside of her. “I thought I was going to die. The first few weeks were hell.” She tells of how she had to deal with the anger and confusion of having fallen pregnant in university.

Her whole lifestyle literally had to be changed. A very successful basketball career of six years had to be put aside for fear of harming the baby. “I had to quit smoking”, she says with so much pride. She laughs as I tell her that I didn’t even notice that she had quit smoking despite the fact that she could always be found clouded in smoke when not in lectures. Along with the cigarettes and basketball her one love had to take a backseat after her arrival in Grahamstown. Ntombi is a DJ and she says that on her arrival in Grahamstown she was disappointed because she couldn’t play as much as she used to in her home-town in Sebokeng. “I used to be booked for gigs every week.” she says with an air of pride, “but partly because of my condition and that there are less connections this side I have only had one gig this year.”

Her advice to those who are about to enter into university is that they should be careful when it comes to giving ‘it’ up too easily. “Personally I don’t think it’s worth it”, she says when commenting on having sex with a man before, one knows whether they are certain or not. In her blog post on her group blog, she writes “I thought I should let you know that you might not necessarily find your soul mate at varsity instead you might just end up with no soul. You will find the perfect guy, good looking, talented, understanding, loving, no wait that’s what he’ll make you believe.” She has decided to end the relationship with the father of her child. “I’d rather be alone than unhappy”, she says quoting the lyrics from a popular song. A decision she doesn’t take lightly considering that her child will need to know who his or her father is. She has decided that the father of her child will be a part of her child’s life despite the fact that they are not together anymore.

Ntombi is a heroine in her own right. In the very judgemental world, where just the stares that are given pregnant youth are enough to persecute them unjustly, she still walks with pride. As she says, “taking it a day at a time”. In a world filled with so much choice, where she could have chosen to abort the baby, quit school and go back home to give birth to her baby she chose to go through with the pregnancy, despite the challenges. When asked whether she would consider giving the baby up for adoption she replies almost immediately with a “No, this is my baby.” This goes to show that although Ntombi did not plan the situation she’s in but has learnt to carry it with much graceful strength .