Facing the Devil

I have a problem. That's the first step to getting a solution right? Admitting that you have a problem. It better be, because I have no idea how I am going to deal with this if it's not.

I arrived at Rhodes with a brief idea of this thing I shall call the devil, for now. I had not downloaded it myself, or as people say , "I was not 'on' it yet. I managed to go through the first term without it and I remained sane, but when I finally did get it, all hell broke loose. I would wake up earlier than usual in the morning(bear in mind, that the Godmother is in love with her sleep), just to make time before my lectures to check my inbox, reply the messages and change the status to let "the world" know how I was feeling that day. Now a day cannot pass without me logging in to check the latest added pictures, who is not in a relationship anymore, who is now and the status of whoever it is I'm keeping tabs on during that period. It is crazy. There have been nights when I have a four page essay to hand in and believe it or not, am online. Ask me what I am doing and I can hardly ever say. It gets so bad sometimes I use it as an incentive to work. I will work tirelessly for an hour and then take a five minute(sometimes this is extended to fifty) break on it.

If you haven't guessed by now, I will tell you, much to my shame-I AM A FACEBOOK ADDICT. If I never understood how people addicted to drugs or alcohol feel, I do now. One convinces them self that they need "it" to carry on with normal life, forgetting that they got along just fine without it. I convinced myself that this was the only way I could keep in touch with friends and family. It is after all "a social utility that connects people with friends and others who work, study and live around them".

So now, it's "crunch time" again. Exams' ugly face is drawing nearer and I cannot afford to be wasting time I could be using to study, sitting in front of a computer screen, "keeping in touch with the world."

So now, I face this devil, and ask myself if I will be able to survive if I deactivate the account. God forbid I lose touch with all my friends.I have come to the conclusion that if it had not been Facebook it would have been something else. Online chatting, clubbing, smoking, drinking, My Space. The devil lies in everything, trying to keep you away from going for your dreams. He just had to choose Facebook in my case.

I will keep you posted as to whether I managed to deactivate the account or at least stay offline. Maybe I should just start a FA(Facebook Annonymous) group. I know I am not alone in this.

Dear Rae,

I trust that you are well and hope school is going well for you. I have been coping better since the first day I arrived here. Its crazy how time has passed and how I have had constant battle to grow in this world that I though would be my freedom. I tell you one thing for sure, the real battle starts in university. Nothing is as easy as it seems.

When I got here, I though life would be a breeze. That is advice from the hard working and orientation week that distorted my vision. My failure to a strong head state hindered me immensely. It took me a lot to recover from the huge culture shock. I first went the wrong directing. I felt I needed alcohol to put a smile on my face. Every week I would fall deeper into a dark hole and I could not get my feet to stand.

Come exam time I really lost myself. I did not know that I would think of all the time I wasted, wasting money and playing with hard working people who know how to balance their time. I failed so badly I almost didn’t return. I bit my lip and decided to come back though because something in me kept saying real failure is when one doesn’t try harder. The talk I had with my father also made me stronger in that he reassured me that even though I messed up I can still get back on my feet is I just focus.

My talk with God really opened the door for me because he told me that I am capable of anything if I just believe. I went through a rough time but I am happy to say I am on my feet and I don’t even party anymore. I have focused myself on the things this institution has in store for me. After all that is my vision.

I hope all is well for you, and I hope you learn from my experience.

Love
Rachel

To vote or not to vote-eintlik you don't have a choice anymore

If you were one of the victims of my registration abuse, then you can log off or read another post. For the rest of you all, read on and learn.

I find myself deeply angered and irritated by young South Africans who refuse to register to vote in the coming elections. The common excuse is that they do not know who they will vote for, since the ruling party is being run by a man who many do not see fit as a leader for a country. It is for that very reason that EVERYBODY(including those who see election day as an excuse to stay in bed) should register to vote. What angers me most about these people that think they should rather not vote, is that they are the same people who sit and whine about the situation in South Africa, and "how SA is going down the drain". You see that's one thing I don't understand about people who find fault in the world: how do they expect it to change if they do not stop warming seats and do something about the faults themselves.

We have heard and are probably sick of hearing about how people were put into jail and tortured and killed, while seeking justice from the ruling government of the apartheid era. These people fought for the right that some of my young black peers are denying.THE RIGHT TO VOTE. I am angered. My young black peers might as well spit on the graves of uSteve Biko and spit in the face of TatuNelson Mandela. After all that they and thousands more went through to grant the black man this right, the young black man still has the nerve to deny it. Haai, ka nnete, truly, I do not understand.

Granted: With Thabo Mbeki gone, those who are not Zuma supporters, may feel like that there is not much choice, but that is the reason why election candidates have campaigns. The best will reveal himself. You will know. I refuse to believe that South Africa has turned into a Zimbabwe and that this is a another one-man-race.

My beautiful young ones, I urge of you to do this for South Africa. Right now the fate of our land either lies in the hands of Zuma supporters or of those who support "otherwise". For most of you reading it will be your first opportunity to vote. Your first opportunity to take a stand and sway the fate of South Africa. You young one who are contemplating not participating, your vote could be the vote that sways the votes from Zuma to "Non-Zuma"(I am just as confused as most of you).

Vote, according to me, we as the youth hoping for a successful South Africa do not have a choice.

When feeling lonely...

Dear Gratitude “sisterhood”

I have been missing you lately and I think missing home too much takes me back to the way I was at the beginning of the year. Mom tells me you are thinking of coming here next year so I thought I should warn you about a few things that you might come across. You might feel pressure to step out of your own character. You might also feel like something’s that you do are for the best when they actually aren’t.

In the beginning of the year I used to feel the need to have someone in my life, to feel the empty and lonely space. The need to find the person that could erase loneliness and get rid of the anxiety caused by home. But the truth is, no-one can erase all those memories of being home. So I had to find another way to deal with all the anxiety. My sub-warden said I was home-sick and that there was no need to worry because it happens to many people. Home-sickness is that ache that keeps you up at night and your heart feels hollow and you don’t know how to handle it. You feel down, you want to cry and you just want to be alone. It helps being around people but I found that music works for me. If you ever find yourself in the same situation just know that you aren’t alone. Don’t go looking for love from other people because you will only end up with a broken heart. Rather be yourself and know that you have people that love you, even though you cant see them.

I hope to see u soon, please don’t forget to write back when u have time!

I love you

Dianne

Flip the Switch

Since I live in one of the older residences on campus, that lovely large rectangle which lends itself to the landscape of Jan Smuts Hall, things may be expected to malfunction once in awhile. Still, what is even more annoying than the fact that the Athies building has slightly less personality than the residue I find on my toothbrush in the mornings, are the constant power trips.

So I get out of my shower this morning which didn’t have enough COLD water (I mean seriously?), and return to my room to hear the UPS going: beep! Beep! (For the technologically less inclined, a UPS is a device which keeps your computer running for a few minutes without power.) Right, one of the stitches has tripped. I leave my room, walk past several rooms on the same circuit as me – also without power – and reach the switchboard. The switch marked “EARTH LEAKAGE” is down. I glance furtively up and down the corridor, take a deep breath, and wrestle the switch up. The world doesn’t explode. Shrugging, I return to my room – the power has returned. Success!

A power trip may not seem like a big deal, and flipping the necessary switch doesn’t require large amounts of strenuous effort. This is why I am awestruck at the seeming incapability of anyone in my hall to do it themselves! There was an incident last term when I decided not to be the one who flipped the switch. The power stayed out for half an hour.

Perhaps there should be a technological course available to first year females upon entering res, dealing with the need-to-knows like switch flicking, working the washer, and not having your heater and computer and kettle and hairdryer and straightener on simultaneously. Until then, please Ladies, when the power goes off: just flick the switch!

If you only knew...

My nervous former self,

You’ve just arrived at Rhodes; there are a total of five people from your high school who are here, and you’re all set to create a new identity. Grahamstown is yours for the taking, and take it you just might. In your quest to forge a new identity, many avenues of self expression are available to you. With all this in mind, you find yourself surrounded by an abundance of stalls at societies evening.

At this point you have locked your keys and student card in your room, which will happen four times throughout the coming term. Don’t worry, this won’t hinder your registration for societies. Take time to linger at different tables, don’t let pre-conceived ideas influence which societies you will or won’t join. Have an idea of what interests you, but be open to exploring other opportunities.

Being a journalism student, a good place to start would be one of the newspapers. Religious or nationality groups will help you create an instant community and support structure. There are loads of fun and community upliftment societies available, everything from Amnesty to ROAR – an animal focused society. You’ve decided that you want to join one society with your boyfriend, so you grab his hand and head on towards the ballroom dancing table, despite your absolute lack of natural rhythm. Firstly let me tell you this won’t change. However, you will have a great deal of fun.

Now that you have chosen seventeen societies which sound amazing to you, settle for three or four for which you will actually register. After registering, the next step is very important: Go to the first meeting! This will ensure that you stay on track with what is happening. By now you are prepared for the great year which lies ahead.

Good luck! First year awaits you.

Love Me

Letter to the young me: You're gonna need somebody

Young One,

You walked into Rhodes thinking that all you needed was your faith, your will and nothing else. You don’t get any “wronger” than that. It will get rough. You will be faced with three assignments, two tests and only 48 hours to complete and prepare for them all. There will be days when you get tired of sleeping and the books aren’t friendly enough to make friends. Swallow your pride, young one: Make friends, call home when you need to talk, GO TO CHURCH, talk to tutors and lecturers when you need clarification (that’s what they’re paid for), and make yourself familiar with the sub wardens and wardens. Believe me when I say you will need somebody. There is nothing as underrated as a support structure, and I’m writing here to advise you to get as much of it as possible. You really will need it.

I remember how I walked into the dining hall for the first time all alone, and was introduced by Dani (whom I am so grateful for), to a group of then, strange people. I thought Dani would remain my only friend. Little did I know that only a month later I would find myself in someone’s room, tears clouding my vision, with not one, but five of those then strangers, now very good friends, at one am in the morning, pouring our souls out to each other. Choose wisely: you will get people who do not agree with the values that have instilled in you. Don’t be afraid to befriend types of people you wouldn’t normally befriend. They’re the one’s you will learn the most from.

Remember to keep smiling; the world is still in love with your smile,
Nthabi

Letter to my former self

Dear Trace

I know that you are nervous about coming to university, and that you are only half-joking when you say that you should stay at home and do a music degree via correspondence. Scrap that idea immediately! I promise, although there may be some hard times, you will have the most amazing time, meet the most amazing people and grow so much that you won’t even be able to recognise yourself!

I must tell you about the first thing that hit me being away at varsity - the freedom. Wow – it’s the strangest feeling! You can go anywhere and do anything you want to, without having to tell someone your every move. Just imagine – you can go out later than 1 am without Mom smsing to ask “Where are you? What time will you be home?” - You know how annoyed you get when she does that!

I think it’s important to warn you however that this new-found freedom is not always as wonderful as it sounds. You have to learn to fend for yourself as an adult while still having fun as a kid.

I guarantee that you will phone home at least four times a day in your first term, sounding like a complete idiot, asking questions such as “Where do I switch the stupid washing machine on?” and “What do you mean I can only use automatic washing powder in the machine? I’ve been using the handwash powder for the last two months!” The phone calls will eventually become less frequent (only around two a day by the end of the year) and you will learn how to wash your clothes, or quickly find out where the Laundromat is.

On a more serious note – be careful how you handle your freedom. Don’t allow yourself to be caught up in the frenzied student life of excessive drinking, weekday partying, smoking, bunking classes and any other activity that may catch up with you and affect your studies. It’s also very important that you remember the values you were taught at home, and apply them constantly.

If you keep this in mind, relax, and be yourself, you will have the time of your life!

Lots of love
Me